The Carter

“A narcissist is not grateful. When he gets something, he thinks: why not sooner and why not more? "

Dr. Carter, narcissists mainly revolve around themselves. Nevertheless, they manage to maintain friendships over many years. How does it work?

Of course, narcissists often know a lot of people. But they have a very different understanding of friendship and relationship than most people. They see friends and partners as "assets" - as possessions, as people who are useful to them. A narcissist has developed this tremendous demand that it is the duty and obligation of the other to give him what he wants. He thinks he deserves it, he deserves it. He also doesn't feel any gratitude. When he gets the things he wants, he doesn't think, 'Oh, thank you, that's nice,' but rather, 'Why not sooner and why not anymore?'

A narcissist does not understand the nature of friendship and love. We mean affection, acceptance, support. A person with very pronounced narcissistic traits does not start from these values. He never learned it in his childhood, as bitter as it is. For him, love was always conditional. That is, when an adult narcissist says, "I love you," it simply means, "You meet my conditions right now." But as soon as someone no longer fulfills their conditions, love is over too.

The whole interview with Dr. You can find Les Carter in our book: