Marie Schmoll

"You always fall into the same role - in the hope that this one time it will finally end well."

Marie, why do we sometimes get caught up in unhealthy dynamics instead of just walking?

Simply because we've never seen healthy relationships work. Because in our childhood narcissistic or other unhealthy family dynamics developed a wrong "lock and key principle". The core of the self-esteem problem often arises at a very young age. And in adolescence and adulthood there is often a so-called “repetition compulsion”. That means, in friendships, with colleagues and with your own partner, you always fall into the same role - in the hope that what you once experienced as traumatic will finally end well this time. How remotely controlled you surround yourself with pathological narcissists - with whom it just can't get well - and get the impression that there are only egocentric people in this world.

Yes, there are others too! Just not in your own environment. It sometimes hurts a lot and it also takes time to realize that you may just have to part with certain people. An unfavorable imprint in childhood does not mean that one has to remain forever stuck in such dynamics and that one can never lead a happy life without pathological narcissists. You can definitely change something about your child's behavior. One can learn a healthier relationship behavior, quasi on the "second educational path". Above all, you can learn not to let such people get too close to you.

You can find the entire interview with Marie Schmoll in our book: