Lydia Benecke
»The belief that you can change your partner through love,
is big"
Ms. Benecke, in pop songs and films, painful love relationships are often portrayed as “true love”. Do we idealize relationship dramas?
Yes. Whether "Shades of Gray", "Beauty and the Beast" or many other films and novels - it's always the same storyline. There is an almost always male person who is dominant, incapable of attachment, and self-centered, and a very insecure, young female person. In the fairy tale “Beauty and the Beast” she wants to save her father by staying, and in “Shades of Gray” she falls in love. The female figures notice very well that the man has characteristics that actually make healthy relationships impossible. You see the egocentric sides, the devaluation and control that prevent a relationship on an equal footing. And yet these women are initially unable to break away from the relationship because the male part exercises a strong dominance. In “Beauty and the Beast” because of the spatial proximity, that can be understood as Stockholm Syndrome.
B.In the "Shades of Gray" it is held by the emotional manipulation. In both cases there are severe emotional injuries by the male part. But the women suffer bravely and are nice and loving in spite of everything, so that the male protagonist heals without wanting to. His personality disorder or even a combination of disorders is healed through virgin, self-sacrificing, passionate love. That is the worst possible message that you can give people. I've spoken to enough people in the course of my job who were stuck in toxic relationships. It is precisely this unhealthy hope for the "healing" of the other that has held her in it. The belief that you can change your partner through love is great. And it is reinforced by such fictional representations. According to the motto: “The film ends well. Why not with me too? ”But in real life you have to say to this person:“ Nothing will be good at all. Separation is the very best for everyone involved. "
You can find the entire interview with Lydia Benecke in our book:
To person
Lydia Benecke, (born 1982), is a qualified psychologist with a focus on violent and sexual offenses. She works in an outpatient clinic for sex offenders and a social therapeutic institution. She works as a freelance trainer, speaker and criminal psychological advisor. She has been a member of the Science Council of the "Society for the Scientific Investigation of Parasciences" since 2015. She also gives regular lectures for interested laypeople and writes books on crime psychology. Benecke had a dragon and an angel stabbed on her back. The motif symbolizes one of her principles Work, she says - and quotes Solzhenitsyn: "The dividing line between good and evil runs right through the heart of every human being",www.lydiabenecke.de
“Psychopaths: The Psychology of Female Evil” (Bastei Lübbe)
Violence is male. Women, on the other hand, are considered forgiving and capable of suffering. But women can also develop psychopathic traits - and abuse their fellow human beings physically and emotionally. In this book, Lydia Benecke calmly analyzes the case histories of female perpetrators against the background of the latest research results and shows that psychopaths often make use of common role clichés in their actions.