Ross Rosenberg
American psychotherapist, speaker, YouTuber and book author
“It feels like you've found your soul mate. It is the supposedly perfect matching "
Ross, what kind of attractions are there between people with pronounced narcissistic traits and their partners?
It can be like real “chemistry”. The emotions explode. A feeling arises as if you have found your soul mate. It is the supposedly perfect matching. Why? The unconscious needs of one partner perfectly match the unconscious needs of the other. There is a strong sense of familiarity, the feeling of knowing and understanding each other completely, even if you only met for the first time a few hours ago. You can imagine this effect something like this: A woman enters a room in which two attractive men are. But only one is a narcissist. A codependent woman will be instantly attracted to the narcissistic man. Because he unconsciously reminds her of the love she got to know from her parents, which she is deeply familiar with.
Conversely, it also explains why a co-dependent woman can meet a man on a date who is nice, attractive and has everything she's always been looking for - and yet she won't fall in love! Because the chemistry isn't there. If it is there, however, the following reaction occurs: Narcissists are only focused on themselves, codependents only on the other. They see the narcissist as a poor, injured soul in need of love. They don't see him for what he really is, an emotional manipulator. The codependent is looking for someone to take care of, this is anchored in their emotional DNA. And the narcissist is looking for someone to take care of him. Together, the codependent and the emotional manipulator feel complete. You feel whole. Without therapy, this system can work for a lifetime.
You can find the full interview with Ross Rosenberg in our book:
To person
Ross Rosenberg (born 1961) is a psychotherapist, speaker, author, professional trainer and runs the Self-Love Recovery Institute in Illinois / USA. Its themes are co-dependency and narcissism. His book “The Human Magnet Syndrome” shows the causes of addictive relationships and how to break free from them. In addition, he offers e-learning courses on the subject and operates a successful YouTube channel under his name, www.selfloverecovery.com
"The Human Magnet Syndrome: The Codependent Narcissist Trap" (CreateSpace)
In his book, the American therapist tells, among other things, his own family history and uses many case studies to describe why the fit between people who have very low self-esteem and those with egocentric and narcissistic tendencies appears so perfect when they get to know each other. But these passionate, highly emotional relationships usually have a painful, destructive outcome. Alleged soulmates become two people who are injured.