Richard Grannon

“To expect compassion from someone who doesn't have one is naive! That is malignant optimism! "

Richard, why is it so difficult for so many people to say stop?
Because they never learned. Because they are people pleasers. The People Pleaser Syndrome is not listed as a disorder in any manual, but in practice you can often find certain ways of thinking and behaving in people who enter into abusive relationships, which can be clearly summarized as People Pleaser Syndrome. These people have an extreme fear of triggering negative feelings in others, an excessive need to be liked. They are extremely outward-looking and conform to the rules and needs of others. They do not have a clear sense of their own limits, take in their environment and the needs of others, feel responsible for the well-being of others. I keep seeing clients who have a really neurotic need to be the “good boy” or the “good girl”. And that includes not judging anyone, never being unfriendly and always being nice.

But this is an unhealthy persistence in childlike naivete - and a wide-open gateway for exploitative people. Typical sentences are later: "I can't believe how mean person XY behaved." To defend your own limits you need a certain amount of aggression: “This is the end. I don't want to be treated like that. " Likewise, the insight: There are people who behave mean and evil. Instead, those affected find a way over and over again to talk behavior nicely and to continue relationships: “He / she will not cheat, steal, lie or abuse me again. From now on everything is different. ”. That is malignant optimism! Expecting compassion from someone who doesn't have one is naive.

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